Last night
The moon, it was incredibily bright
As we screamed
At midnight
In the ocean
(I craved to be
there again)


The weatherman predicted rain but I knew we were in for a change…
My crappy old dusty alarm clock read 15 minutes fast
in its predictable neon blockiness. It was always fast.
I had a bad feeling in my stomach that where I was going…
No one was going to show. I stared at my reflection. The mirror was so predictable. I always looked like me!
But tonight…the mirror told me…my hair was looking good.

So good that to stay at home would predictably be a sin.
I had to force myself to go! ignore the bad feeling in my stomach and spruce the rest of me up.

I slipped on my soft olive green jumper. The bra I had on was not doing its job properly. My boobs looked like they wanted a lazy night at home. Change the bra.; This is all becoming an effort now. Its becoming more rare that I have a good hair days/nights….. Soon I’ve ticked everything off the list and in my big boots off I clomp for a great hair night!...

Driving there I check myself out in the R.V mirror as I always do.(not whilst driving this time as last time I drove up the curb…very dangerous) What’s that? My hair doesn’t look that great anymore. Not nearly as good as it did!. And fuckit I’m more than half way there! I scramble around the car for a frickin hairband (didn’t I buy a pack of 30 last week.. and now I can’t find A solitary ONE! OK I now panic and am doing all this as I drive and I’m swerving in and out of my lane (luckily no other cars close by) Finally find Miss Lone hair tie, wrenched my hair back and gave myself a headache. Thank you Miss.

Arrived at the place (the pub) checked myself again, wasn’t very happy with that, thought stuff it, go in. Feel extremely self conscious as I walk in friendless. Walk slowly around the bar, looking desperate, no-one there, die of humiliation, get back in my car and drive home very unhappily.

Should’ve listened to Mr “trust me I’m your instincts” who lived in my stomach. I promise to listen to you next time Mr.